by Hanny Prasetyo

I used to think that the pressure women feel to be present comes from the outside, whether from expectations, from society, or from the roles we are told to fulfil. But as I went through my day-to-day, I began to notice that the pressure often comes from within ourselves.

There is a quiet, almost automatic instinct that guides how we move. An internal checkpoint that asks, “Is everything taken care of?” before we allow ourselves to step into something else. For me, it can be as simple as making sure someone is at home to look after the children before I leave for the office, or ensuring everything is in place before I step out for errands.

No one explicitly asks me to do it. It is just there, almost like a subconscious switch that guides how I move, how I prioritise, and how I show up. And over time, I realise that this way of thinking does not stay in one place. It carries into everything else I do.
 
When Presence Extends Beyond Home
In my role as Head of Audit and Assurance at BDO SSS Office, that same instinct shows up in a different way.
There is an expectation to be present and to be someone my team can rely on. I tend to stay close to what is happening and make sure directions are clear, so everyone can move forward confidently. When something needs a bit more attention, I usually step in early to help keep things running smoothly.

My team often comes to me for guidance, but also quite often just to talk things through.  Sometimes it is about work, sometimes it is just to get a second perspective. At the same time, I hold the trust from management closely, to anticipate challenges, and to keep things moving forward.

Looking back, I never really planned to lead this way. It reflects how I tend to take care of things. That is also why being present has never felt like something formal to me. It is about being approachable enough that people feel comfortable reaching out, whether for clarity, reassurance, or simply because they know you will always respond.
 
Living across Multiple Realities
At home, this way of operating feels even more natural. With four children, there is always something going on. Different schedules, different needs, different priorities, often all at once. It is not something that can be planned perfectly, so I learn to adjust along the way.

I got used to reading situations quickly, from what needs immediate attention to what can wait. And I’m ready to switch focus without overthinking it too much. Most of the time, it comes down to small, consistent things: being there, paying attention, responding when needed.

The same applies in my involvement at church and within my residential community. It is less about obligation, and more about being there where it matters. At one point, I tried to separate all these roles: work, home, community, as if each needed to be managed individually. But in reality, I’ve come to see that they don’t really work that way. They overlap, and eventually, I learn to move within that.
 
Learning to Operate with Trade-offs
What I have come to accept is that every role I carry comes with its own weight, and sometimes, those weights come at once.

Work needs attention, the family needs attention, and something unexpected even comes up in between.
When that happens, there is no perfect way to arrange everything. There are only decisions. Deciding what needs to be handled first, deciding what can wait, and sometimes, accepting that not everything will be done the way you ideally want it to be.

It is not always easy, but it makes things clearer. Because once I decide where I need to be, I focus on that. It helps me move forward without constantly going back and forth about what I should be doing instead.
 
What We Give When We Are Truly Present
When I look at it more closely, I realise that what connects all of this is giving, not in a big or complicated way, but in small, consistent actions. At home, it shows in presence. For my children, those small moments matter more than anything else. Over time, they build trust and a sense of stability.

At work, it shows in clarity. When directions are clear, the team can move faster. When people feel comfortable approaching you, issues tend to be resolved earlier instead of becoming bigger problems. Gradually, those small things add up. The team becomes more confident in making decisions. Communication becomes easier. Things don’t get stuck as often.

That is where the idea of giving starts to feel more real for me. Not as a concept, but in how things actually run day to day. What we give, whether it is time, attention, or clarity, usually comes back in the form of things working better. Not perfectly, but steadily enough to keep moving.

In the end, I don’t think it’s about having everything perfectly balanced. It’s about knowing that, in the moments that matter, the people who rely on you can truly feel your presence.